averageamerican

Often times I find myself perplexed by my morbid displays of free will.  Stupefied by the decisions I make, amazed and frustrated alike at the thought processes webbing around in my mind.  Constantly yearning for the unattainable, continuously reaching for the carrot tied to an string, knowing full well that the string will always hold my goal a beyond my reach.

Recently I’ve put a lot of effort into a female that I know has a boyfriend.  That hasn’t ever stopped me in the past (refer to this entries introductory paragraph), so I figured that this would eventually work out.  Last night she was home alone, and she made it blatantly obvious to me that she desired company.  I had every intention of granting her wish, but did not outright state my intentions.

As I was preparing to leave my house and head over, she sent me a text saying that her boyfriend, surprisingly, wanted to spend some time with her.  She mentioned that she was uncertain as to how long he would stay – so I decided to go ahead and leave my house and camp out at my office, which is a ten minute drive from her house.

I arrived at my office at approximately 9:45, and I began to keep myself occupied, anxiously anticipating a text to let me know she was alone again.  I stayed at my office until 1am, and never received the text.  I drove home, defeated and feeling rather stupid.

Today I met another very attractive female.  There were so many sparks flying I thought, if only for a minute, that I had transcended time and space to find myself smack dab in the middle of a brilliant fireworks display.  Eye contact galore, physical contact aplenty, exciting and riveting conversation abound. 

Turns out she is a lesbian.  Another crushed dream, another aspiration shattered.

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